Most of my clients strive for that “I have a dream” communications moment that cements their reputation as a leader.  The reality is that leadership reputations are more often made by effectively managing the sensitive communications that challenge us in our daily exchanges:  The employee whose personal life is impacting his performance, the ongoing disagreements on the home front, a child’s newfound fashion sense.

Drama queens may draw all the attention, but the person with the most persuasive communications skills makes the biggest impact and leaves the best impression, and this is how reputations are made.

The most powerful starting point for a sensitive conversation is to show up fully present in mind, body and spirit.  Like most profound truths in life, it is simple but not easy.

Presence is a state of alert awareness that sets the stage for poise and effectiveness.  Master each of these four components of presence and you will make a big step toward developing the skills you need to initiate and manage sensitive conversations.

1.            Start with beginner’s mind.  In the beginner’s mind there are many options; in the expert’s mind there are few.  Approach your sensitive situation with an open mind.  The challenge here:  it requires you to leave the past behind.  The opportunity:  you will make room for this newborn moment – the present — in which anything can happen.

2.            Listen with your heart. Empathy is the ability to identify with or to be sensitive to another person’s emotions and thoughts. Empathy is not synonymous with sympathy, nor does it imply that you agree with the other person.  Empathy is a function of your heart’s intuition and perception. It creates a clear and open channel for you to listen for and to hear the underlying needs the other person is expressing.

3.            Transform your inner voice.  Thoughts and feelings drive behavior and universally a handful of thoughts and feelings are responsible for driving most of human behavior.  Number one on the list:  I’m right, you’re wrong.  Monitor your inner voice, look at other perspectives and choose as your default position positive, constructive thoughts.

4.            Manage your emotions.  Emotion can be a powerful tool when deployed skillfully.  For most of us, anxiety and fear overwhelm our ability to think clearly and shift perspective at critical moments.  A pumping heart and shortness of breath is our body’s way of signaling its anxiety.  Meditation and breathing practices help to derail these physical signs of stress.

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